happy birthday, dad

today is my dad's 53rd birthday. i'm sad though, because i can't call him or send him a card wishing him happy birthday. i don't know where he is. no one in his family knows where he is, what he's doing, or if he's even alive, for that matter. he has come in and out of my life for the last 12 years. his abandonment of me and my two sisters has been devastating. it's something i will never understand. for a long time, i struggled with anger and resentment towards God for assigning me the father He did. but i know that God doesn't make mistakes. and i know that He strategically placed me in the family He did because in order to be ME, i needed half of David's genes and half of Lisa's. and i'm pretty sure He made my mom extra amazing and loving, because He knew that i would need to be loved on a little extra without a dad. 

i feel sorry for my dad. because of his pride, selfishness, and alcoholism, he has missed out on so many things. he missed my graduation from college in 2001. he wasn't at my sister's wedding in 2005. he doesn't even know he has a grandson. his absence has left a huge hole in his 3 daughters' hearts. it's a mystery to me... 

but i know God is good. he has given me an uncle, a step-dad, and a surrogate dad who are men after God's own heart. they love the Lord, their wives, and their children with all their hearts, all their souls, and all their minds. they have all adopted me and love me just as if i was their own daughter. they each exude wisdom, strength, and honor and i am privileged to have them in my life. 

Heavenly Father, You are the giver of all good things. thank You for Uncle John, for Sid, and for Dad Elmer. thank You for always taking care of not only my basic needs but also my need of a father-figure with not one, but THREE men. i cherish every one of them. i pray for my dad today, Lord, wherever he is. i pray that he returns to You and to his family. i pray he gets the help he needs to recover and live his life for You again. i know his dreams have been shattered. i pray that You will break him of his pride and that he will have a story that will glorify You. my heart is heavy for him today, Lord, thinking of how lonely he must be on his birthday. please love on him in a special way today. let him know that You hear him. let Him know Your touch. let him know that You love him. let that be enough...